Silver Spooning

Written By Billy Rivera @accentlyrics

The Sentinel of the Spaceways has gotten around quite a bit since 1966. I’ve only read a few Silver Surfer runs from throughout his 50-year tenure and even I am aware of his planetary pimpery. There’s truly no telling how much cosmic coitus has been committed across the Marvel Universe. First there was the noble Shalla-Bal of his home planet Zenn-La. Then Frankie Raye, his successor as herald to the world-eater Galactus. There was my original favorite, Mantis, who actually kept him from reuniting with his first love. But let us not forget the silvery savagery that occurred in the pottery-ridden home of Alicia Masters, right under the nose of her then-boyfriend Ben Grimm, The Thing! Now that is one thing you just don’t do (Johnny Storm later married Alicia and made Ben his best man, sorry Ben).

But there is one, THE one, and her name is Dawn Greenwood. Their partnership rivals and surpasses the greatest romances in comic book history. Jesse and Tulip, Swamp Thing and Abby Holland, Lois & Clark, I’m a 90s kid and I honestly don’t even know who Rogue and Gambit are anymore. This story has hit me all up in my feels in ways that shant be possible for the silver stoic. My new hero, writer Dan Slott (everything Spider-Man) clearly has a heart of oatmeal, mashed potatoes and other warm and mushy substances. Even more unbearably romantic is that the penciller and colorist are married couple Michael and Laura Allred (Madman, iZombie, X-Statix) and they deliver a retro reinterpretation of the Surfer’s look akin to Jack Kirby’s original style, down to the beloved eye shadow.

Bearbarians, time loops, the civilizations he helped obliterate for Galactus, not even his multitude of ex-girlfriends can keep the Silver Surfer and Dawn Greenwood apart. The universe wants them to be together, literally. Please use this five-volume epic to sway your significant other into finally caring about comics and I dare the both of you not to cry when it’s over. I know I did, I swear to the elder Gods.