New Comics Lack Some Luster

Last week I raged against the oncoming storm that is the Yogi Bear 3D CGI movie. A good friend and blogger, a.k.a. “Jim” of jimsmash.blogspot.com pointed out one of the posters for said celluloid turkey and the rather, awkward catch phrase it employs.

“Good things come in Bears.”

No, I did not make that up. Man this movie gives me the creeps.

CREEPS

Speaking of which, Dark Horse has a brand new arch in the ongoing saga of Hellboy’s ex-co-workers over at the B.P.R.D. It seems that Abe Sapien and the gang have been placed under U.N. jurisprudence and will have to fight red tape as well as monsters. Check out the battle between paperwork and the monsters it protects in this week’s B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth- New World #1… and buy Buzzard #3 while you’re at it!

Clayface is going to second base with Batgirl on the cover of Batgirl #13, and I don’t have high hopes that the comic inside the cover will be much better. It does steal its’ plot from a Ben Edlund episode of Super Natural. Stay classy, DC!

+2 STAPLER OF DAMAGE

IDW begins publishing comics based on Dungeons and Dragons this week, and where better to start than with Dungeons and Dragons #0. I’m sure this issue will feature Gary Gygax playing “Old Maid” and getting wistful for a BETTER game to play.

I’ll read that before I read Incredible Hulk #611, where Green Hulk is going to hash it out with his son over their issues. Dang it! I didn’t care about the Hulk’s stupid son in the first place, and now you’re telling touching tales of reconciliation?

Quesada might have screwed up Spidey when he Mulliganed his marriage off to Mephisto, but at least he didn’t fill the Spidey-verse with basket-loads of kids from alternate planets, timelines and realities.

But then again, I’d read Incredible Hulk #611 a thousand times before I’m buying Excalibur Visions Warren Ellis Vol. 2 Staring that Kitty Pride kissin’ Mary-Sue, Pete Wisdom. Not only can Kitty do better, comic books can do better.

MARVELOUS

I MIGHT, however, pick up the Marvelman Vol. 1 reprinting the pre-Alan Moore adventures of Marvel’s newly purchased eponymous do-gooder! I like that hokey silver age malarkey.

NEXT WEEK: If the comic book publishing schedule is as slow as this one was then you’ll all get to read 500 words about Howard the Duck: The GREATEST modern aged bird character of all time.

One of those words will be “Bestiality.” BE THERE!