Craziest Haircuts in Comics

Superman’s spit-curl, Wolverine’s muttonchops, Professor X’s chrome dome; Comic books have their fair share of iconic hairdos, but with a multitude of pan-dimensional weirdos running around in spandex and capes, it also has its fair share of hair based powers, hairy characters and even a few animals to get things REALLY hairy.

Together we shall walk the dark and frightening hair salon of the sequential images, the barber shop of funny books to take a fearful glance at some famous comic book hair styles, some not so famous comic characters that make an 80’s metal band look like posers for Rogain and finally at some less than tressed people of the page.

WACKY DOS

Back in the silver age of comic books half the characters had the same coiffure, what I like to call the “Black and White.” Dr. Strange, Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four, DC’s beloved Green Lantern Hal Jordan and even Spider-Man’s cigar chompin’ boss at the Daily Bugle J. Jonah Jameson all have dyed black or brown hair on top with white frosty temples. As a kid I used to think that people’s hair just grew in like that. HA!

These distinguished gentlemen have iconic looks forever trapped in an age when men would dye the tops of their heads and leave a regal halo of white around the ears to connote wisdom, experience and the fact that they’re too cheap to dye the whole thing!

Pauly on the Sopranos has a style like this.

Then there is Wolverine’s high styled hair wings. I swear he could get lift off with those things if he waxed em’ up higher! It has never been properly explained why Wolverine’s hair, and subsequently half of the 90’s characters following in Wolvies hairy wake, get such amazing lift. Logan must spend hours in the bathroom with a comb and gel getting those things just right…or maybe he just spends so much time in that mask and cowl he wears, a headdress that matches his haircut so perfectly that we can only conclude his healing factor grows his hair to match the mask.

Storm should be noted for her stellar white Mohawk from the 80’s. NO character has ever look cooler after a trip to the barber’s than the punk rock weather goddess herself!

There is also a school of regrettable haircuts often led by the headmaster Thor. His long, straggly blond hair has been paired up over the years with a parade of unfortunate beards…a look Aquaman was all too happy to co-opt. It isn’t bad enough that THOR opened the doorway for that rash of 90’s mullets.

Superman will have to fly around the sun to go back in time and get that sad excuse for a hairstyle cut before it sees print if the man of steel ever wants to live that doozy down.

HALF MAN, HALF BEAR

The next step up on the ladder of lovely locks is reserved for those characters of massive hair. We’re talking Marvel’s Hercules, just about any character drawn by Sam Keith and most of the characters designed by John Byrne. Characters so hairy you could swear they were wearing a costume!

Medusa of the Inhuman’s get her own category for being the first and best character with hair based superpowers! Yup a-rooski, Medusa can control her hair like we can wriggle our fingers, using it to perform amazing feats of strength to delicate work such as writing or picking locks. I wouldn’t advise you eat lunch at the Inhuman’s royal Moon palace… there’s always long red hairs in the food.

A recent Capcom video game named Bayonetta featured a gun toting go-go girl dressed in an outfit of her own living, writhing black hair. Medusa may be inhuman, but at least she’s enough of a lady that she doesn’t leave the house without clothes on!

HAIREM SCAREM

If you were to pick two things that comic book will NEVER run out of, smart money would be on wacky animals and monsters. DC has a few gorilla’s running about the place such as Gorilla Grod, Detective Chimp, and Sam Simeon, a.k.a the Ape of Angel and the Ape fame. Marvel has cornered the market on furry monsters, from Jack Russel the Werewolf at Night, Xemnu the Titan from space and even the carnivorous white wonder from Canada the Wendigo.

AND Canada also has Sasquatch, the hairball on Alpha Flight…a team that also featured a hairy dwarf named Puck. What did I tell ya’ about John Byrne?

The real top honors in the hair Olympics go to characters famous for, or despite being incredibly hairy!

Nightcrawler of the X-men is a tall, cool blue drink of water, but did you ever wonder why? It isn’t because he takes after his pseudo-mother, the blue Mystique. It’s not because he’s a huge fan of the N’avi from Avatar. Nightcrawler is covered head to foot in fine blue fur, just like cookie monster!

Long time X-fans will remember Wolverine’s nickname for Kurt Wager: Fuzzy Elf.

Beast is also a bright blue brother, one hairy heck of a hero. I hear Nightcrawler, Beast and Cookie Monster have a bright blue support group. You know, The Blue Man group?

Say, between Storm, Nightcrawler, Wolvie and the Beast the X-men really represent when it comes to comic’s iconic dos! Funny how their founder and leader is famous for his LACK of hair… I’m sorry Professor X., but if they hire Patrick Stewart to play you in a movie that’s because your dome is so shiny they can see it from space!

The only character balder than Chucky X. is the Martian Manhunter, and he’s from a different planet!

ALL TRESSED UP,

Some characters will have memorable costumes, some will have astonishing powers. For others the path to recognition starts with a teasing comb, hair dryer and a bottle of product! Remember comic book characters: If your book ain’t selling like it should be, maybe you need to pay a visit to your local beauty parlor!